How to overcome a hierarchy of self-esteem

Why do we place ourselves underneath to whom we credit more value  than to ourselves, id est attractive and successful people, politicians and VIPs?

The first point is: Are all these people really more valuable, that is, better than we? Usually, we perceive only one singular assets to which we credit value and thus add further „positive“ aspects.

We only see the outside; the outside being like the tip of an iceberg that becomes visible for us.

Neither have we walked a mile in that person’s shoes, nor do we see all ends. In fact, it is only a very small, chrome-class portrait of the truth. And still, we compare this to our own, sometimes less spectacular everyday life. 

Anyhow, this comparison has flaws. Yet, it takes quite some effort and reflection to see. The feeling of lack evoked by this comparison lingers on and and considered reduces our sense of self-esteem.

But why then are we prone to fall into dependence, neediness, submitting ourselves to others?

We demand from other people to make us feel appreciated and accepted, too. And we want to be seen. When we meet a beautiful woman or a handsome man, then we behave differently, trying to impress that person.

We make our self-esteem dependent of that person’s attention, ceasing to be authentic in that very moment. We inhibit a role, become needy, inauthentic and downright ridiculous. By not being authentic, we lose our natural charisma and are subsequently ignored by others. This is exactly opposite of what we want.

As long as we think to have a lack of attention and appreciation, we contort ourselves in order to have others compensate this insufficiency. Sometimes, this can work out for a moment, but most likely it’s going to fail. As it is but a compensation, the actual problem cannot be tackled that way. The symptom can only be soothed.

In order escape from this dilemma, we should develop internal references to which we can compare ourselves. Our own development and achievements then become the only focus. By doing so, we avoid comparing ourselves to others and , due to the lack of a complete impression, putting them in a superior position. 

Once this matter has been addressed, fear of flirtatious situations and superiors as well as submissive behaviour become a thing of the past. 

As a welcome side-effect our ability to bond with others, in the sense of a relationship, increases noticeably. And it helps to put up with emotional dependencies. 

As soon as we cease making others superior to ourselves, we stand in the first place. When we refrain from following others, trying to emulate them, others will start to follow our footprints, even unasked for. By stepping aside the hierarchies were were part of, we ultimately attain leadership.At least in an emotional way.

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