At the first glance, it seems that by connecting on Facebook and Instagram, just to name a few examples, we can better our staying in touch with peers. We have the feeling to be part of their lives and yet share ours with them, at least to some extent.
But taking a closer look, we have to admit those parts of our life that we actually expose to the public are almost exclusively special occasions shared as texts or pictures on Facebook such the like.
Images of must-see subtropical beaches, dinners in pricy restaurants, party pictures or glamorous moments on a festival.
It’s only really only the tip of the iceberg that we share with others, and what is more, we prefer our sunny side over the shady bits of us.
Considering our own behaviour, we can assume our peers do just the same.
Although we rather perceive the dull everyday life of our own, we compare it with the bright moments in other people’s lives. As a result, we feel disregarded. In our own lives, not everything is hip and shoe-shine.
At least can claim this to be true. If so in your lives: Congrationlations. You’ve made it.
But most likely, reality looks and feels different. For most people, one highlight just doesn’t follow after the other, and a life at its peak is far away from the truth.
But why do we compare ourselves with such an illusion of our peers’ lives? Wouldn’t it be much more beneficial to compare yourself to reality? And, taking it a step further, to keep away from the illusion of others?
Every person has a different course of life, their own precious skills and of course their own genuine worries.
We think that, in order to get a solid reference, there is no other option than comparing yourself… well, to yourself.
I. e. you can do that by asking yourself: “How was I last year? How have I changed since then?“ This approach will help you on your way. Also, it will promote you with to prosper and grow.
And if you now ask yourself what all this has to do with the skills you need to maintain relationships, please carry on reading.
Taking solid and realistic values into account as basis for comparisons, at best with ourselves, will promote our self-esteem and self-confidence.
A good self-esteem will help us avoid questioning ourselves and feeling hurt when people fling their unfounded gobbledegook at us.
That little doubtful voice in your head will grow mute.
We will grow the skills to become more authentic and attract people to our lives who really fit in. People who are fond of us because of who we are.
Those people who like our outward appearance usually aren’t the ones who would like us for real. With those people, the bare attempt of starting a relationship is in vain.
When we know our true value, we are less likely to fall into jealousy when our partner socialises with others, having a good time of laughter and merry-making.
Jealousy occurs when we feel less worthy than others.
If we don’t feel worthy of ourselves, we become jealous of those of whom we suppose they have a better life than we do etc..
This discord between our values creating by comparing ourselves with others via the social media weakens our self-esteem and thus the skills we need to live in a relationship.
A healthy partnership should be grounded on an equal basis. When two individuals value themselves and each other alike, they are able to prosper in equality – without jealousy or the need to control the other in order to compensate their own insecurities.
With this mindset and a more sensitive approach to using social media, we can can find a way to live our lives in an authentic way, despite being online in the virtual world.
It always is a question of our own mental stability how strong its impact is on us. As long as our self-esteem closely correlates with the number of likes on, it is time to make up your mind and take a break.
In the meantime, a growing number of supporting schemes are offered to people who seek help in grooming their self-esteem and self-confidence in order to man up against the flood of manipulating information.
The best conditions for a healthy relationship to grow is between two individuals who are firm and stable in their beliefs, not depending on a relationship in order to be happy or lucky.
Your Kopfrichter,
Christian and Aurel